The Dandelion Wilts
by OffMyHead
Summary: This is another post epilogue story of Katniss and Peeta's life after the Rebellion. Katniss and her children come to terms with Peeta's condition and try to cope with it. This is a one shot story about how Peeta dies in my previous story, Written in Stone. To fully appreciate it please read Written in Stone first.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games Trilogy**

 **It belongs to Suzanne Collins**

 **This Story belongs to me.**

This is a one shot story of how Peeta dies in my previous story, Written in Stone.

To appreciate this story fully, please read Written in Stone first. Thank you!

 **The Dandelion Wilts**

"Alouette don't forget, you have an interview over the phone when you get back from work." Alouette thunders down the stairs, clutching onto her grey cardigan. Her long brown hair whips through the air as she quickly turns back to look at me, her blue eyes reminding me how old Peeta and I have gotten. Peeta's eyes are now clouded, sunken, and tired. I lean onto the railing, admiring the strength of my daughter to withstand the demands of being the child of the Mockingjay. Every tabloid, every camera, and every gossip talks about her life as though they had any right or say in what she chooses to do. She takes it in stride, something I'm sure the combination of my strength and Peeta's undeniable wisdom granted her.

"Yes, Mom." She sighs. "I've got my speech on point. No way to twist it around."

"Just make sure to run it by—" I pause suddenly, catching myself because I was about to ask my daughter to ask advice from Haymitch but Haymitch is dead. Long before Alouette was even born. "Just run it by your father when you get back. If he's not too tired."

"I got this, Mom. Trust me." She smiles and takes a deep breath. "HECTOR! You're going to make us both late for class! District 2 is thirty minutes away _without_ air traffic! Plus we have to pick up your girlfriend!"

"I'm coming!" Hector bellows from his room. He stretches and pushes his arms into the sleeves of his polo. His curls are a mess. I quickly sweep my fingers through them as he passes me, which he immediately messes up again. "Ali, if you'd let me drive the craft, we'd get there faster!"

"No way am I letting you drive _my_ craft!" Alouette says, "Besides I think Susie likes it when I have to focus on the air so she could have you all to herself."

"We're supposed to share the craft and stop talking about Susie!" Hector says. "Can we go already? District Two is thirty minutes away without air traffic."

"Exactly what I said." Alouette rolls her eyes at him.

District 2 is now the center for internships. That's where young graduates may choose to spend a few months of years of training for the specific job they want before actually starting to work. Since Johanna won her run for Presidency, she's taken Two into a new level. We have no need for Peacekeepers anymore so she's transformed the facility to a smaller version of Panem to act like a training center. Before Alouette knew what she wanted to be, she was working in Eleven as a secretary. We let her find he own path. When Johanna set up the training centre in Two, she decided to quit and find her path there instead. Hector followed suit soon after he graduated.

"Have a good day at work today." I tell them as Hector skips down the stairs. "Say hello to little Finn for me."

"Finn is a Senior Supervisor, Mom." Alouette says, "He's not little anymore. Which reminds me, I have to tell you guys something later."

"Ok. Well he's little Finn to us because we knew his father." I say instead. "Tell him we say hi. Ask about Aunt Annie as well."

"Right." She says and pulls on Hector's jacket and practically drags him out the front door. As the door clicks in place and heave a deep sigh.

Peeta had a restless night again. We both did. I try my best to quiet him. Make sure that the kids don't hear through the walls during the night.

" _He can't help it," Beetee explained._ " _We might as well remove the device."_

" _But that would mean he would get hallucinations again." I frowned. "It would make him highjacked again. I don't think I can stand that, Beetee, not now. Not with the children."_

" _Every time the machine fires weak and erratic signals into his brain to control the venom, he convulses." I can hear the regret in his voice over the phone. "I'm sorry, Katniss, I thought my creation was perfect."_

" _Is there anything else we can do for him?" I whispered, feeling defeated. "We can't keep bouncing back because of this tracker jacker venom in his system. We've been going back and forth from square one."_

" _It hurts him." Beetee said. "Every seizure, every convulsion. It's very painful."_

" _Are you asking me to choose between Peeta's pain or mine?" I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Because I know. I know. I would always choose Peeta and when I do, it means that I'd lose him._

" _Katniss, I don't know exactly what will happen once we remove the machine from his brain." He continued. "All I'm sure about is that the machine has reached it's wear and tear capacity and it's imperfection is causing the seizures. I don't know how Peeta will behave once we remove the machine."_

" _Does this mean that there's a chance that he's cured?" I asked. "It's been decades since you placed that in there. Could Peeta have somehow been cured?"_

" _There's a chance." Beetee said. "A slim one."_

" _I doubt it." I sighed._

" _I'll give you time to think about it, Katniss." He replied. "Something you may want to discuss with your children now that they're old enough to understand."_

I creep back into our bedroom. Peeta is curled into a tight ball on his side of the bed. I take careful steps and quietly and slowly sink into the bed with him. I watch him for a while. His body rising and falling rhythmically as he breathes. Gently, I trail my fingers through the lines of his face. So many stories behind these lines. I take in the sight of him peacefully sleeping. The tight wrinkle he gets between his brows when he's tensed up is nothing but a small line, unnoticeable unless you know to look for it. The stiff stubble on his chin, glittering in the soft sunlight the slips through the curtains. Of all the years we've been together, of all the tragedy we've survived, the joys we've shared, I don't think I have ever loved him more than how much I love him at this moment.

Last night was a nightmare. I woke up with him shaking next to me. His limbs uncontrollably flailing. His eyes rolling round and round in his skull. I turned him to his side. Making sure to keep his airway clear. As I knelt on the floor, facing him, his eyes catch mine for a moment and I glimpse the young boy he used to be. The boy who stood next to me in the square. His eyes, now a soft light blue color, begging me to help him. Begging me to make the seizure stop. I held him in my arms, his head shaking on the crook of my elbow and I sang to him.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes

And when again they open, the sun will rise

His shaking slowed and I heard him take a deep breath. Quickly, I pushed him to a sitting position and fumble for the plastic bowl I've kept under the bed. I grasped it and aimed it under his mouth just as he began to vomit. I soothed him as he continues to cough out his dinner. "You're okay. You're okay. I have you." I whispered.

"I'm sorry." He cried. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." I took the bowl away and crawled out from behind him. "You need to rest." I get a glass and fill it with water in the sink. I left the plastic bowl on the counter in the bathroom. I walked back to him and helped him take small sips. "I'm going to fix you." I told him as he fell back into sleep.

"Good morning!" I smile at him now as his eyes flutter open. He uncurls from the ball he was in and invites me into his arms. I rest my head on his shoulder and lean into him, tucking my head between his chin and his chest.

"What time is it?" He asks.

"A little after eight." I say. "The kids have gone to work."

"We should tell them when they get back." He says, his arms wrapping around my back.

"They know you're sick Peeta. We've told them that." I say with a small voice.

"We should make them part of the decision making." He says. "They should have a say in this. Whatever happens to me will affect them too."

"I don't want them to be afraid of you." I stifle a cry.

"Their old enough to understand." He says, "And I don't want them hearing rumours from someone else about what I have."

"Alright." I shut my eyes. "But Peeta, you have to understand that ultimately, it will be your call. I don't want you to feel like you have something to prove to us. To me, especially. I know you. I know you're strong and I know you're kind. I know you. So don't decide based on what you think will be best for me because I already have that. I already have you. The kids know that too."

"I just don't want you to always have to take care of me." He frowns and looks away. I place my palm on his cheek and make him look back to me. I can see how tired he is. How downtrodden he looks and how the defeat in his eyes glow brighter than his ocean blue colors.

"We take care of each other." I tell him. "That's what we do. That's what we've been doing for each other from the moment we stepped into that first Arena. It's you and me." He kisses me and I let myself melt into him, remembering all the times I took his kisses for granted.

"I love you." I say when we part. "And I will always love you no matter what you decide to do." We stay in each other's arms for a little longer. Not saying anything, listening to each other's heartbeats. How unsynced they've become now that Peeta is getting sicker. His fast beats remind me of how I used to sit beside Hector's crib, listening for irregularities, waiting for a flinch or a cringe that would tell me that he's in pain. Peeta's heart is weak, begging for rest.

"For what it's worth, Peeta." I say, leaning away from his tired heart. "I would want you to get that removed. It's wearing you down. I can feel it. I can _hear_ your body screaming for help."

"Alright. We'll talk with Alouette and Hector." He says, but I know he's made up his mind to do as I ask.

When the kids came home that night, we sat them down, made them promise to keep the discussion within the family only. Alouette had just finished her interview so the television was on. We were waiting for the broadcast of Caesar's time with her over the phone. Peeta turned down the volume.

"What do you think about when your mother and I remind you that I'm sick?" He asks. Alouette looks away. Sometimes I wonder if she remembers any of the terror I've experienced with her when she was a baby.

"It's because you were poisoned during the rebellion." Hector says.

"You were highjacked to believe that Mom was the enemy." Alouette says, still not looking up at us. "It makes you do bad things." She continues, her voice unsure.

"That's right." Peeta breathes deeply and I take his hand in mine but I stay quiet. "Uncle Beetee, remember him?"

"Of course." Alouette says, but Hector just shrugs.

"He's our friend. He helped us a lot during the Quarter Quell and even during the rebellion. He made your bow, Alouette." Peeta replies

"I remember." She says.

"He also made something for me." He continues. "This was way back when both of you were young. He made a machine that replaces a part of my brain that makes me highjacked. Only now, the machine is getting worn out."

"Is that why you always wake up in the middle of the night?" Hector asks. "I hear it sometimes through the walls." I look over to Peeta. He closes his eyes. "Yes. I get seizures." He replies.

"Well can we fix it?" Alouette demands. "I mean if it's a machine, can't we bring it in for repairs?"

"It's not that easy, Al." I sigh and hold onto Peeta's hand tighter.

"Your mother and I sat you down tonight because we want you to be part of the decision making." Peeta says, making our two children focus on him. "Because there is no fixing the machine, the only way to stop it from destroying my brain is to remove it. But if we remove it, my highjacked episodes will increase exponentially."

"Does that mean that you'll lose control more?" Hector says.

"Yes." Peeta replies.

"But I don't understand." Alouette says, "There should be a cure for this by now."

"Trust me Alouette, we have tried many times to get rid of this." Peeta says.

"Somehow we always end up back at square one." I say.

"We can put this in a vote." Peeta continues.

"Does it hurt?" Hector says. "Does it hurt when you wake up because of seizures?"

"No." Peeta lies.

"It does." I tell them. "It hurts your father very much. He doesn't want to say it does because it will make you want to keep the device in his brain."

"Katniss, let them decide." He says.

"They should know that it hurts you." I say.

"Take it out." Both of them say almost in unison.

"I want it out. That's my vote." Alouette says. "I mean if you don't it causes brain damage anyway right? Might as well get the pain out of the equation."

"Same here." Hector smiles. "Maybe after it's out, we can help you _not_ have hallucinations too."

* * *

"Good night Hector." I say as I pass by his room. He's slouched on the floor, writing his paper on history of education in Panem. "Try to get some sleep."

"When I'm done outlining the Hunger Games." He says and I sigh.

"If you need help, I'm just in my room." I tell him. His internship in Two is focused on history and education.

"That's cheating, Mom." He says without looking up from his paper. I smile and leave. Across the hall, Alouette is talking with someone over the phone.

"Good night!" I whisper and she waves me in the room. I sit on her bed and she says good bye to whoever she was talking to.

"I was going to tell you something." She says and then I remember she told me earlier this morning that she wanted to talk about something.

"Right." I shake my head. "What is it? Did you want your father here too?" Alouette shakes her head. She seems so out of place in her pink and princess room. She's grown up too fast.

"Mom, Finn and I, we've been together for a little more than a year now." She says and I gawk at her. I hadn't anticipated this but it feels as though one of the knots in my stomach uncurls itself and I feel some relief.

"That's great!" I laugh and almost shake her by the shoulders. "This is amazing. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Oh!" Alouette replies, obviously she didn't expect this reaction from me. "Well we thought that you wouldn't approve since he's about ten years older than me. We work together. I mean I'm an intern in the place that he works. And there's a lot of history with you and his dad and with Aunt Annie being sick and all…"

"Honey, Annie isn't sick. And our history with them should all the more reinforce you being together. Finnick Odair II is a great man. Much like his father." I pull her in a hug. "How are you two? Everything going alright?"

"We're great, Mom." She smiles and exhales. "He asked me to move in with him, actually. But with Dad being sick I think I should say no. I should stay here." She pauses. "Right?"

"Alouette, don't let the problems of your parents get in the way of your life." I smile even though it hurts me to think of her leaving. "Where were you planning on staying?"

"He has an apartment in Two but we were thinking of buying a house in Four so he could be close to his mother. I could find work there after my internship" She shrugs. "I guess now we need a house near Twelve too."

"Alouette, you don't have to worry about your father." I assure her. "Let me take care of him. You and Hector can live any way you want to, Peeta and I fought for that. We want you to be free to make whatever decision you know is the right thing to do. Don't let us hold you down."

"Mom you're not holding us down." She says, "I'd decide to stay here because I want to not because I feel like I have to."

"All I'm saying is that you can build a life with Finn and it doesn't have to always revolve around what your parents want. Think about what you want." I smile. "Do you love him?"

Alouette takes a deep breath. "I do." She smiles. "I love him very much."

"Does he love you?" I ask.

"He does." She smiles and looks at me. I look back at my daughter and wonder where all the years have passed. She used to be a tiny ball in a crib. She used to cling to me and tug on my hair whenever I carried her.

"Then hold onto that love and never let it go." I tell her. "Finn is a good man. I should know I've changed a few of his diapers when he was the only baby in my life."

"Mom!" Alouette laughs. "Thank you. Thank you for being okay with this."

"Of course I'm okay with this!" I plant a kiss on her cheek. "Was that him over the phone earlier?"

"Yeah." She smiles. "Just checking in as he always does."

"Good man." I rise from the bed. "Alright get some sleep. Good night, Ali."

"Good night, Mom."

I enter our room and look for Peeta in the bathroom. He's brushing his teeth, looking at the mirror. He finishes up and takes my hand.

"Katniss please." He says and I look at him. "Alouette and Hector. They don't understand what we mean when we say that I'll be someone else. This thing in my head, it's broken but it still works."

"It's killing you." I tell him, taking my hand away from his. "Every time you seize, it destroys your brain. Alouette is with Finn. Did you know? They're planning on moving in together. Would you really want to miss her wedding? Hector's wedding?"

"I'd rather have this pain than let the kids go through what I made you go through all those years ago." He closes the door to the bathroom and turns on the shower.

"That was decades ago Peeta, how many times do I have to tell you that I've forgiven you for that?!"

"The night in District One, do you remember that?" He says in a low voice.

Suddenly I am jerked back in the past. Peeta and I decided to spend our earnings rebuilding parts of every District. Our first stop was One. On the night we settled into our residency, Peeta, well, he wasn't Peeta at that time, attacked me in the study. Threatened to kill me. Gale saved me. I never thought Peeta would remember any of that.

"I remember how it felt for my arms to grip you tight." He's looking at the floor. "The feeling of you struggling against me and I don't ever want to be so out of control like that."

"You won't." I say but even my voice falters.

"I will." He looks at me now. "If we take this out of my head, I will do something terrible. I don't want the kids to be in that kind of danger."

"But if your brain function is damaged every time you seize then there wouldn't be a lot of you left either!" I raise my voice, willing him to come to terms with me.

"It will be long before that happens. If you remove this now, I change in an instant. You lose me faster." Peeta says "Think of it this way, since both options is like dying, let me die in slow motion."

"I don't like talking about this." I exhale. "I don't like talking about losing you. I've lost too many people in my lifetime. I don't have enough left in me to lose you too."

"I know that." He says, bringing me into his arms. "I know." The steam in the bathroom clouds the mirrors. The shower has been on too long. I look at our reflection and I only see blurred lines and shapes.

* * *

Seven Months Later

"We need some help here!" Peeta's weight falls squarely on my chest and I bend my knees to brace him in my arms. He's shaking uncontrollably. I can feel the tension in his jaw from the grinding of his teeth. A group of nurses and doctors spot us and they come running over.

"What happened?" One of the nurses asks as she helps me lay Peeta on the floor.

"He's seizing." I say, laying his head on my hip.

"We need a gurney over here!" She says. One of the doctors turns Peeta sideways and flashes lights into his eyes. A moment later the gurney arrives.

"Ma'am we're going to need you to gently lay his head on the floor." The doctor says. Carefully I grasp the sides of Peeta's head and remove my hip from under him. "Alright we got this, Ma'am."

"It's been two minutes." I tell him. "Isn't two minutes too long? He hasn't had a seizure this long." Peeta continues to flail on the floor, his mouth frothing and his fingers stuck in a claw like position.

"We just need to wait it out for now." The nurse says.

"How long has he been getting seizures?" The doctor continues to ask. He takes his stethoscope to listen to Peeta's airway.

"It's been six months but we've always managed on our own." I start to shake so I curl my legs and wrap my arms around them. "We went here to have his migraines checked. He's been complaining of painful headaches for about three days." Peeta stops shaking and the doctor checks his eyes again. Flashes a light and asks, "Sir, I'm Doctor Stevens, you're in the hospital. You've had a seizure."

Peeta coughs and shuts his eyes. "He's going to vomit!" I call and the nurse quickly turns Peeta back to his side. He vomits on her light blue pants.

"I'm so sorry." I tell her. I kneel next to Peeta, soothing his back. I pull the hair stuck to his forehead and wait until he's done.

"It's alright." The nurse says.

"Alright lets get him to trauma room 4." The doctor says, preparing to help Peeta up to the gurney.

"Ma'am." The doctor finally looks at me and he pauses. He looks back at Peeta and then back to me. "Ms. Everdeen!" He says, shocked.

"It's Mrs. Mellark." I correct him. "It's a pleasure to meet you Doctor Stevens. Please help my husband."

"Of course." We wheel Peeta into room 4 and that's where they connect him to computers and put tubes in his wrist. Doctor Stevens closes the blinds to give us privacy and begins to turn down the light to scan Peeta by infrared. After the light goes out, the screen on the wall turns on to reveal Peeta's body. Doctor Stevens focuses the image to his brain where a red flashing area screams for attention.

"Has Mr. Mellark been transplanted with a machine?" Doctor Stevens asks.

"It was implanted about twenty years ago." I tell him. Peeta's awake. I take his hand in mine. "It helps him manage his dual personality caused by the venom poisoning."

"Oh yes, of course. I've read about this in the medical journals." The doctor replies. He writes something in a chart and hands it to the nurse. "Get Mr. Mellark's data in the lab for processing. And be ready to prepare an operating room. Call my resident." The nurse quickly leaves the room.

"Operating room?" I ask.

"Mrs. Mellark, we have to remove the device because it's malfunctioning and in the process, it is heating up. Essentially it is frying his brain." Doctor Stevens readjusts the image in the screen and focuses it clear enough for us to see the folds of Peeta's brain. "It's causing the seizures. If we don't remove this now, the seizures won't stop and it will get worse."

"We already know all of this, Doctor Stevens." I tell him. "He doesn't want it to be taken out. We decided that seven months ago."

"Please." Peeta croaks. "Just give me something for the pain."

"Sir numbing the pain does not solve the problem." Doctor Stevens says to him.

"I don't want the surgery." Peeta insists. "It's illegal to perform surgery on a patient who doesn't want it."

I look up to the doctor, silently pleading him to just sedate Peeta and operate on him anyway. Doctor Stevens sighs and nods. He turns on his earpiece and says, "Cancel the OR reservation. Bring down some morphine pills to trauma 4." He pauses and listens. I pull the thin sheet over Peeta. He's shaking in cold sweat and his hands are stiff. I kiss him lightly on the forehead and hold back my tears. Peeta's dying in a very painful slow motion. Every morning I wake up wondering if today's the day he will leave. Every moment I hope that he'll let go of his stubbornness and just let us take the thing out of his head already.

"Mrs. Mellark could I steal you for a moment to fill out some papers?" Doctor Stevens says. I let go of Peeta's hand and tell him that I'll be right back. The doctor and I leave the room.

"I've already filled up medical papers for Peeta a long time ago." I tell him. "It should be in the database. Does it need updating?"

"I wanted to talk to you privately about something else." Doctor Stevens says. "I just wanted to tell you that the lab results have calculated how much time Peeta has before his brain gives up."

"What?" I stare at him. "What are you saying?"

"I just thought that knowing how much time he had left would help you consider your options." He says. "If you'd like to know."

"I'm taking him home." I tell Doctor Stevens. "Give me the pain meds. I'm taking Peeta home now."

"I apologize, Mrs. Mellark for making you face this but please know that you can always call the hospital if ever you change your minds." I accept the box of pills he gives me and I walk away from him. Walk away from knowing how long before I lose the man who is lying in pain in room 4. I enter the room and pop out a pill onto my palm. I help Peeta sit up and offer him the medicine. He drinks it and sighs. "There you go." I smile at him. "Feel better?"

"Much better." He smiles. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said we could go home." I use my sleeve to wipe the sweat away from his eyes.

"I expected him to put up a fight." He almost laughs. I help him into a wheelchair.

"He just said to take it easy with the morphine." I tell him. "No more than two a day if you can't have just one." I push him out and Doctor Stevens leads us to the door.

"Here's my card." He gives me a business card. "Call anytime if you have any questions."

"Thank you Doctor Stevens." Peeta says from his chair. "For the pills and for understanding our decision." I look back at the doctor and he nods to me, unsmiling. I look away before I crack under the pressure of not knowing. I push Peeta out and our car rolls into the drive way.

In the silence of the night I stare at the ceiling. Peeta sleeps next to me, quietly snoring and mumbling now and then. I push the sheet off of me. I can't breathe. I close my eyes and take deep breaths to slow down my heart. On my bedside table, Doctor Stevens' business card teases me. Do I really want to know? Will knowing change anything? It will kill me to know when he dies but it kills me more that not knowing can stop with just a phone call. I slip out of bed and tip toe in to the bathroom. I close the door and sit down on the cold tiles and rest my back on the wall. I curse Doctor Stevens. I wish he had never volunteered the information. I cradle my head in my palms and try to clear my head. After a while I get up and leave the room. In the study I take the phone and dial the number.

"Mom?" Alouette answers and I break into a quiet cry. "What's the matter? Is it Dad? Mom!"

"He's fine." I say between breaths. "I mean he's alive but— but we went to the hospital earlier."

"Do you want me to go home?" She asks.

"No I just needed to hear your voice to ground myself." I lie. "The seizures are just getting worse but it's nothing we can't handle."

"Are you sure?" She asks again because she knows when I lie. "I can take time out of work it's no trouble."

"No." I say firmly. "How are you there?"

"Well call me if there's anything I need to know." She says and takes a breath. "We're doing great here. Finally completely moved in. Finn cleared the last box earlier today."

"Hector misses you." I say, "At least I know he does he just doesn't want to say it."

"I knew that egghead loved me." She laughs. "Are you sure everything is okay Mom? You can tell me. I can take it."

"The doctor told me that they've computed how much longer Peeta's brain can take the seizures. When the time's up, he'll—" I stop because I don't want to say it. "He'll…"

"He'll die." She says. "How much longer?"

"I didn't ask!" I tell her. "How could I live with myself if I knew."

"You're going to live with more purpose, knowing that someday he'd be gone." She says, "You can prepare yourself. You can prepare him."

"How did you grow up to be so wise?" I whisper. The tears on my face trail down to my lap.

"Mom I don't want to make you do something you're not ready to do." She says. "I mean you can not know and that's alright too. Knowing when he'll go can't make you love him any more than you already do."

"I'm scared Alouette." I tell her.

"I am too." She replies.

"What do I do?" I whisper. "If it were Finn? What would you do?"

"I'd want to know." She says.

"It scares me to think of the day when I'd wake up alone." I cry. "This is it. I always thought that we'd have so much time. That we'd grow old together."

"Mom, you don't even know how much long he still has." Alouette stops me. "It could be years from now. Maybe the Doctor was just overreacting."

"Doctors don't overreact, Ali." I wipe my tears with the back of my palm. "Alright. I'll call."'

"Don't tell Dad." She says suddenly.

"Of course not." I sigh.

It would take ten months to a year before Peeta's too weak to get around on his own. Doctor Stevens said that first his limbs would go out. He won't be able to walk or take hold of anything. I should buy a wheelchair. Next he would lose his speech. I should buy a speaking machine for him. When his eyes start to get bad, that's when I know to count the days because weeks after his eyesight is gone, he'll start to have a hard time breathing. And then when he starts to wheeze and cough uncontrollably, I should count the days because any moment his heart could give in when he seizes. Then I know to count the minutes before it stops and kills him. All of this will happen if we keep that machine in there.

I cried myself to sleep in the living room that night. In the morning, Peeta found me sprawled on the couch like a drunk passed out. He asked me how I got down in the living room over night and I couldn't bring myself to lie to him so I didn't say anything. I kissed him long enough that we lost air and I folded my arms around his waist.

"I had a bad night." I whisper to his ear. Not a lie but not the whole truth either. We stay like that for a while until we hear Hector's door open.

"I'll get breakfast ready." He says and he looks at me, traces the faint scar on my forehead and kisses me one last time. "You're okay?"

I nod and smile.

"Alright." He gets to his feet just ask Hector reaches the foot of the stairs.

"Morning." He says. "Everything okay?"

"Nightmares." Peeta answers and Hector doesn't pry. Our children know all about how nightmares weaken their parents. Only now it's reality that has broken me down.

Over breakfast Hector asks us if it's alright for him to ask Susie to take the next step with him. But Susie is sick. Cancer. Hector would have to live with her because her treatment schedule is too sensitive at the moment.

"She's going to get better after we get through these woods. One last thing to go through and she'll be strong enough for the injections." He explains. "We already talked about it and said that when we choose to move in together, we could buy a house. An aboveground home is a bit pricy in Thirteen but I've saved up some money from the internship. Susie has some savings too."

"What about getting to work everyday?" Peeta asks.

"That's what I was wondering too." Hector says. He pushes his bacon and bread around his plate. "I was thinking maybe, if you'd let me, I can take the craft to Thirteen with me? I can pay rent for it."

"Nonsense." I tell him. "You can have it. Your sister won't mind. Finn has a craft."

"So you're letting me move out to live with Susie?" He smiles.

"Of course." Peeta says. "If that's what you want and if you're sure about her."

"She's the only thing I'm sure about most of the time." He says.

"Our kids are growing up, Peeta." I laugh. "It's just going to be you and me in this house again."

"And that's exactly how I want it." Peeta teases me. He kisses me briefly.

"Alright." Hector gets up. "Breakfast is over for me. Thanks Mom and Dad."

"Hector." I call after him before he leaves the table, "Take care of Susie."

"I am." He says. "I will, for as long as she needs me."

"Good." Peeta says, "She's lucky to have you."

"No." Hector shrugs. "It's me. I'm the lucky one."

* * *

When Hector leaves, the house suddenly feels empty. Peeta and I live like we used to back then. Taking walks around the District. Baking bread. Eating the bread. Most of my work can be done over a computer. Peeta's factory has turned into a self sufficient machine. Time to time he goes out to check on it himself. Making sure that his people are keeping standards up. Other times, I fly out to meet with Plutarch but most of the time, a call would do. We spend the days lounging around. We force the kids to come home sometime with Finn and Susie for a family dinner but they're so busy. Alouette has decided to get into medical care under the supervision of my mother in Four. Finn works at the same hospital. Hector wants to teach children. He's already applying for school in Thirteen. Susie is finally healthy. She's still dependent on intravenous medication but she's doing better and now working with an organisation that is focus on finding treatments for the number of uncured diseases we still have.

"Do you want coffee or tea?" Peeta asks from the kitchen. Im fumbling around the living room, looking for the universal remote to turn on the television. Alouette is appearing on an interview to talk about her medical journey. My mother would also be there I think. I look under the cushions and find it stuck between two pillows.

"Tea would be good." I tell him. A moment later, I hear glass shattering. I get to my feet but I'm not as fast as I used to be. When I get into the kitchen, Peeta is almost done cleaning up. "What happened?" I ask

"The post must have been too heavy for me." Peeta says, throwing the large pieces of ceramic into the trash. I pull out the broom and start to sweep. The pot couldn't have been too heavy for him. There wasn't any water in it yet. It's begun.

"That's alright." I smile at him as I gather the tiny shards to a corner. "Why don't you make sure the television is on the right channel. I can never figure out how that remote works anyway."

"Thanks, Katniss." He says and leaves. When he leaves I take a moment for myself and try to remember what Doctor Stevens said. I begin to count how much more time I have with him. Weeks. I have weeks before he loses his voice. I try to imagine a world where Peeta can no longer speak. His strongest weapon against everything is his voice. He can paint magnificent pictures with his words and now he's about to lose that too. I crumble down to the floor. My left hand lands on the pile of shards I've left and I'm jolted back into the past.

The last time I bled because of glass, I was a young woman. I found Peeta lying still in a pool of his own blood. Almost died trying to force the hallucination to a stop. My hands bleeds and I get up to wash the wound under the sink. The night before I found Peeta in the bakery, I asked him to marry me. That feels like eons ago. How did we get here? The bleeding doesn't slow down, turning the water that swirls the drain, a faint tinge of red. I turn of the sink and wrap my hand in a towel.

"Katniss it's starting!" Peeta calls for me and I realize, I forgot to heat some water for my tea. I remove the towel and find that the wounds have at least stopped bleeding. I hide my hand in my sweater and go out. Peeta's sitting down, eyes glued to the screen and sure enough our daughter is there talking about how very honoured she is to be there today.

We spend the rest of the night talking about arranging a dinner with the kids and Annie and Johanna if she has the time. It's been too long, we agree. And I want them to see Peeta now that he's still strong and he's not ridden with sickness.

"Katniss, I know." He says. It's dark and I can't see his face.

"What do you know?" I ask, searching for his hand.

"I know that I only have a few months." He says. "A year at the most."

"How?" I don't pretend because we both know what he means.

"I'm not naive." He says, not looking at me. "I've made calls too. Doctor Stevens told me everything." I scoot under the covers and rest my head on his shoulder. His arms come around me and I rest my palm over his. He takes a deep breath.

"I want you to take that thing out of your head." I say. "You have a month before everything goes south."

"Okay." He sighs.

"Okay?" I turn my head up to look at him. "You'll do it?"

"I'll do it." He tries to smile. "The kids have their own homes anyway."

"They'll be okay." I say in compensation.

* * *

The dozen of tubes coming out of him is the only thing stopping me from climbing under the sheets with him and holding him in my arms. Alouette sits next to me, unmoving. Her eyes are focused on the monitors, reading every oscillation of the numbers. Hector is pacing by the foot of Peeta's bed.

"When will he wake up?" He asks Alouette. She doesn't remove her eyes from the monitors. "Give him some time, Hec. It was major surgery. Induced coma is the only way to make sure his body recovers."

I trace one of the tubes sticking out of Peeta's central line. It coils around itself and climbs up the IV stand. I have been in this situation too many times to be asking questions. The doctors, even my daughter, they will say different things but they only mean one thing: we aren't sure what happens after this point. I could lose him. They replaced the device with a simpler device to sit in for the part of the brain that the machine used to complement. His memory base. Beetee's machine controlled the venom poisoning while maintaining his memories, this new one only does the latter. It's not a long term solution but it will give Peeta more time that what he had before. The doctors have warned me that Peeta might wake up in a state of tracker jacker poisoning. They've stationed some guards right outside the hospital room to make sure the kids and I are safe. Finn and Susie weren't allowed to enter or to visit the floor. Hector resumes his pacing. He's spent countless nights like this before with Susie. Susie's regimen just ended. Hospitals aren't places where Hector and I blossom. Alouette is a statue. A thinking and anxious statue, forever monitoring Peeta's status. She barks at the nurses whenever they make let an extra drop of fluid fall to waste. I don't stop her. She's the wolf that Peeta needs right now. I'm as frail as a songbird, perched neatly by Peeta's side, waiting, waiting, and waiting for his voice to sing so that I may sing it back to him.

"Mom, have you eaten anything since yesterday?" Hector kneels in front of me. For a moment I take my sight off of Peeta's tubes and look at my son. Peeta was awake yesterday. Right before his surgery, he made me eat his hospital food. Alouette and Hector were outside, handling the press for me. "Mom." Hector places his hands on my lap.

"Have you?" I ask him. None of us have eaten. There are nine trays of food for the three of us. All of them untouched. I can't keep anything down because the doctors were so hopeful that Peeta would be awake some hours after the surgery but it's been a day since. Alouette says that a complication happened in the surgery, something only an induced coma would help mend. Hector sighs. I look back at Peeta, this time tracing the bandages that are wrapped around his head. They had to shave his head again. They reopened the perfectly healed U-shaped scar that they made the first time they implanted a machine. Sometimes I think about how I should have accepted Gale's nightlock medication rather than this long term fix of a machine. The revised medication would have made for a lower risk regimen. But here we are, decades later, still suffering. Hector stands and goes back to his usual place, pacing and pacing until his legs begin to cramp up. Last night, I watched as he started to nod off as he paced. Movement helps him think. Alouette had to talk him down and force him to sleep on the couch. She and I didn't sleep the whole night. She wanted to watch his stats. I couldn't bear the nightmares without him. Alouette and Hector understand, of course. Our nightmares that will never end, and how only Peeta and I could calm each other down on most days. I take my eyes away from his head and I look at how they've shackled him down in his bed. Wrists and ankles bound into the metal frames of the bed. Just like in Thirteen. There is a belt that is secured across his chest. Alouette made them loosen it, fighting the nurses because Peeta couldn't heal with a restricted airway. On the wall above his head is a glowing red button. We've been told to press it when we need to sedate him if—when he gets violent. I wondered why they had to place the button above his head where reaching for it entailed crossing his path. By my side, Alouette tenses up and jumps to her feet. I tear my eyes away from the red button and back to Peeta, just in time to see his eyes flutter open.

Hector stops pacing and Alouette runs out to call a doctor. When the door opens the guards enter. Four big men in suits, one for each of the children and me, another to restrain Peeta if needed. One stands next to me, another next to Hector, the other waiting by the door for Alouette, and the last by Peeta's bedside.

Peeta starts to struggle against his shackles and his eyes open wide, searching for anything familiar. "I'm here." I start to put my hand out to touch his face when the guard places a hand on my shoulder to stop me. I wait. Look for the familiar kindness in his eyes, search for the relaxed breathing he should have. It takes a moment for him to focus on me and when he does, his brows start to furrow, his hands clench in fists and his feet start to kick.

"Get Hector out of here." I tell the guards and they do. Hector starts to resist, pushing his way to me but his guard practically picks him up and drags him out the room. "Don't let Alouette in. I don't want them to see him like this." Peeta continues to struggle against his restraint. I take a step back away from the bed and fall to the chair and start to sob. Peeta starts to scream the routine obscenities I've heard over and over again years ago. The monster is back but at least Peeta would no longer have to endure painful seizures. We'll figure this out. There could be something to contain this. Something to bring Peeta back without making him sick or making him forget again. The doctor that Alouette called comes in the room and takes note of Peeta's stats and checks his receptivity. Against all the shouting and the struggling, the doctor finishes post-op protocol.

"He's healthy. You're daughter can adjust his meds. She's more than capable to do that." The doctor says to me and I nod, focusing my line of vision on the floor and on my feet. "No more seizures. He's speaking and moving well. We'll have to check how much motor control he retained before we stopped the seizures but I'm sure he'll perform well." The doctor pauses and looks back at Peeta. "We're just going to have to deal with this the old fashioned way. When it's over and he's rested we can configure the machine more to attain optimal and personalised function"

"Waiting game." I whisper.

"Yes." He replies. "Wait until the flashback is over and stay vigilant for when it comes back."

"We are back to where we were decades ago."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Everdeen." He places a hand on my shoulder.

"It's Mrs. Mellark." I correct him quietly but he doesn't hear me.

Eventually they had to sedate him. A small dose to keep him still and unmoving but awake and alert. I let the children back in. Hector comes in thundering angry.

"I don't understand why you had to throw us out!" He says to me. "He's our father, we have the right to be here with him when he wakes up!"

"You do not talk to me like this, Hector." I tell him with a low stern voice. He quiets down.

"I'm sorry." He says, sitting down on a chair. "I'm sorry, Mom, I shouldn't have—I was just—" He pauses and takes a deep breath. "How's Dad?"

"He's not back yet." I tell them, Alouette is standing beside Peeta. Flashing a light to his eyes, checking is responses. Right now she's not his daughter. Right now she's a medical student, making sure that her patient is recovering well. There's not much she can do to test his motor capabilities so she takes blood, tells the nurse to run it by the lab and give her his chart right after. She adjusts his medication and fixes his central line. The nurse comes back with Peeta's chart and she writes on it, recording the things she's changed and how Peeta's responding. For Alouette, being a doctor helps her cope. She's removed the idea that her patient is her father. She's reduced the situation into one whole medical case that she's been assigned to, just one other thing she needs to know as well as Panem's history so her attending physicians give her high marks.

"He's stable." She says. She hangs his chart on the door and takes a breath. "He's going to a be alright. He'll need therapy to regain lost motor control from the seizures but medically, he's fine. The surgery worked."

"Fine?!" Hector almost shouts. "Look at him, Ali!" Peeta's eyes dart from the three of us, undoubtedly fighting the induced paralysis to come running at my throat because he thinks I'm a mutt. "He's not even here!"

"You know what, I am doing my best, Hector!" She says, "I'm giving him everything his body needs to recover and heal."

"Stop fighting." I tell them and they become silent.

"There has to be something we can do for when he's discharged and he stays at home." Hector says after a while. "I can't leave you alone with him like this."

"Out!" I tell my children. "Get out. We need to talk."

I gather them outside, close the door and place a palm over my forehead in distress. "You two were too young to remember. When your father used to be like this, I had a team of body guards at my arsenal. They would carry you out of the scene in seconds and you'd be safe. Peeta— or that thing that replaces your father when he has flashabcks, never even had a minute with you. So that thing, that monsters that has him trapped, he doesn't know you. If you talk about Peeta when he's around, he will remember you and he will mark you as someone who is a threat. When he's done that, you are a target. He will start hurting you because he remembers all the horrible things you said." Alouette and Hector stare at me in disbelief. "He is a monster that was engineered to kill me but it also learns. The moment it knows you are protecting me by hurting Peeta, you are just as much of a target as I am. So don't talk about Peeta when he is not himself. Don't talk at all. Get out, run away look for help. Do you understand me?"

They nod. I look at Alouette and see the tears welling up in her eyes. I open my arms to them and they come crashing in to me. I can feel their arms wrap around my back and feel their weight on me. My children, grown and independent, have, officially lost their father. Alouette begins to shake. Her tears stain on my shoulder and I can feel Hector's short breaths. "You're going to be alright, both of you. When we're home, you two get packed and back to Finn and Susie, okay? I'll take care of your father."

"Who's going to take care of you?" Hector says and pulls away from me.

"I've done this before." I try to smile. "I'll be alright."

The door opens and one of the guards greet us. "Mrs. Mellark, he's back and he's looking for you." We tumble inside and I find the restraints removed and Peeta is sitting up. He's dazed and confused but when our eyes meet I have no doubt that it's him. "Peeta." I push away his shackles and sit on his bed. I pull him in my arms and his him lightly on the cheek. Alouette and Hector stand on either side of the bed. I lean back and let them have space to greet their father. Hector seems to be reluctant to get anywhere closer to him but I take his hand and he places his other hand on Peeta's shoulder.

"Welcome back, Dad." He smiles.

"How are you feeling?" Alouette asks. "Any numbness in your arms or legs? Headaches?"

"My fingers feel a bit numb." Peeta says. Alouette takes a small needle and holds Peeta's left hand. She pricks him. His hand twitches.

"Feel that?" She asks.

"A little." Peeta says. "Look at you. You're a doctor now."

"You're device is going to need some major fine tuning." Alouette sighs. "I wish we did this in Four or in the Capitol even."

"The doctors here are just fine." I tell her.

In the hall we can hear feet running and in a few short moments, Finn comes into the room panting.

"Finn!" Alouette gets up. She puts the needles aside and rushes to Finn's side and give him a hug. He's about a foot taller than her but they fit together perfectly.

"I flew in as soon as I heard he woke up." He tells her. Finn comes over to me and gives me a hug and then shakes Peeta's and Hector's hands.

"How are you feeling, sir?" He asks Peeta. "Any numbness or headaches?"

"Sometimes I forget how much you've grown, it feels like just yesterday when you were Katniss's assistant." Peeta smiles at him. "Alouette just asked the same questions. No headaches, just a little numb in my hands."

"She's at the top of her medical class." Finn says, Alouette blushes. "The numbness should go away once the device is fine tuned."

"Thank you for coming." I tell Finn, "How's Annie?"

"She's doing great." Finn says, "She and George send their regards."

"Thank you." I smile, taking Peeta's hand.

Peeta rests his head back on his pillow. Hector goes outside the room to get some air, no doubt still flustered with what just happened.

"You tired?" I ask Peeta.

"Like I spent a night in an arena." He inhales. Alouette and Finn step out as well, excusing themselves to catch up on what's happening back in Four. I watch Peeta for a while. The way his eyes close almost in slow motion. How his breathing eases into a calm rhythm and how warm and gently has hand is curled into mine. "I didn't wake up myself, did I?"

"How do you know?" I ask him, "Do you remember anything?"

"No." He says, his eyes still closed. "You look like you want to cry. Hector is being distant. Alouette's sure been crying. Finn is here. I'm sure he didn't take an emergency flight out to Twelve just because I woke up from an induced coma. I know the protocol, Katniss." It's true. The only reason Finn flew over here in such short notice is because the protocol, now that the kids are involved in serious relationships, is to call their partner the moment they're in danger of being harmed by Peeta. Susie couldn't fly out because she needs to stay in Thirteen to get treated herself but Finn could drop everything and leave for Alouette.

"You didn't do anything bad." I assure him.

"Because I was restrained." He says. "It does feel much better now that there isn't this constant strain in my head but look at what kind of danger I'm putting you in."

"We've gone through this before, Peeta." I remind him. "We were younger then, more stupid. The children were babies, more vulnerable. Today, we're older and smarter. The children have their own homes and are in stable relationships. We are at the best time to handle this thing all over again." I say. Peeta only nods. I help him get into a more comfortable position to help him rest. The doctor comes in, asks the same questions as Alouette and Finn have asked and leaves to give Peeta time to rest. No use in rushing the tuning of the device since Peeta is still in no condition to be mobile yet. A few more nights in the hospital until we're allowed to go home and I'm left to my own devices.

I step out for a while and I find Hector sitting down on the floor, his back resting against the wall. His head leaning back and his eyes closed. He looks so much like Peeta. I sit next to him and he leans his head on my shoulder.

"It's a lot to digest." I say. "If you want to go home, you can. Susie probably needs you more than your father does."

"Dad doesn't need me." He says, "He has you. I'm staying because I think you need me. And Ali of course."

Sometimes when Hector speaks, it shocks me how much he talks like Prim. His honesty and his kind nature to always find the truth despite how much i try to hide or ignore it. I don't to be the anchor that pulls my children down but on the days that are to come, I know I will need them to keep me sane.

"You don't want you to stay when you're girlfriend is back at home, needing you as well." I tell him. "I'm here for your father because he needs me and because I love him. Susie needs you and even though she is too humble to say it, she wants you to be with her more than she wants you to stay with Peeta." Hector heaves a sigh.

"I'll never forgive myself if I find out that he hurt you and I wasn't there to protect you." He says.

"Hector, I can protect myself from your father." I reassure him. "I was in two Hunger Games remember?"

He laughs, but I know we're both just ignoring his point: if it came to it, will I kill Peeta to protect myself? I've never been able to do it. And with Hector's offer to stay to protect me, I know now that he would kill to protect me, even if it was his father on the other side of the knife. I wrap an arm around his shoulders and kiss the top of his head.

"Come on." I say, "Get up, it's time to eat something."

We stay the rest of the night. Peeta doesn't have any outbreaks. For a few hours we're back to our normal selves again. A family having dinner in a hospital. The next day, I wake up at dawn. Hector is still sleeping on the couch. Finn and Alouette went home for the night, to watch over the house and to help Finn settle down. They're coming back later this morning to check on Peeta during the fine tuning. I peek through the window curtains and watch as the sun rays begin to light the sky. A nurse comes in to record Peeta's stats and she asks me if I need anything. I ask her for a piece of paper and a pen. I write a note and leave it by Peeta's bedside where I'm sure Hector would find it. Peeta won't be waking anytime soon. They've given him medicine to let him sleep longer to give the brain more time to get used to the new device and that can only happen during sleep.

I leave the room quietly and take the stairs to the ground level. My knees are starting to hurt, which only reminds me that Peeta and I are getting older. I walk back home because Alouette and Finn took the car home last night. The district is still quiet. Dew glitters on the grass by the monuments and I stop for a moment to admire how the sun shines bright behind the monument of Peeta and I in our Games attire. When I get home, my shoes are damp with morning dew. I take out my key and unlock the door. Alouette and Finn are soundly asleep on the sofa, still wearing the same clothes they did last night. No doubt they fell asleep as soon as they came in. I sneak through the living room and retrieve my bow from the room under the stairs. When I step out of the room I find Alouette standing by the stairs, scratching her eyes.

"Go back to sleep, Alouette, it's only dawn." I say. She looks at me, sleep still in her eyes. She sees my bow and stretches

"How's Dad?" She asks.

"He's resting." I tell her. Nothing much has changed.

"Can I go out shooting with you?" She asks and I step back in the room and grab her bow. It's small for her now but it still works very well. In my hands the bow doesn't come alive but the moment Alouette takes hold of it, the bows wakes as if to ruffle it's steel feathers.

"I forgot how good it feels in my hands." Alouette smiles.

"Come on." I take her arm. "Time to get some breakfast."

In the woods, Alouette and I are quiet. No sound but the birds and the small animals we intend to hunt. She's better with tracking animals on land so I focus on the birds in the air. It's been a while since she and I had time like this. We don't say it but most of the time we find ourselves here when there is something to escape from. Most often than not, it's Peeta.

"Finn wants me to go home." She says. I lose aim on a bird and look back at her.

"Is that what you want?" I ask. She releases her arrow and it strikes a squirrel a few feet from us.

"He doesn't like the thought of me staying here with Dad like that." She sighs. "We had a big fight last night."

"He slept on the couch." I realize.

"Yeah." She replies, "I climbed in next to him when he fell asleep."

"What do you want to do?" I ask her.

"That's what I'm asking you." She hangs the bow over her shoulders and finds a soft spot to sit on. I walk over to her and sit down.

"Finn and I, we're good together." She says. "We have no one else but each other. Every other relationship we've had before were strategies to get something out of us simply because we're children of Victors. It took me a while to realise it but I know I will never have a real relationship with anyone else but Finn. He understands what it's like to be hounded by cameras to be burdened by expectations brought by our name. Hector is lucky to have Susie. I'm also lucky to have Finn. I'm just saying that I don't want to mess it up with him because there will be no one else for me. He's the only one."

"You don't have to justify anything to me, Alouette." I tell her. "You and your brother are old enough to lead your own lives."

"It's ok if I decide to leave?" She doesn't look at me, instead she picks on the grass. I take her hand.

"It's perfectly fine." I tell her. "Just invite me to the wedding."

"Mom" She laughs, "He hasn't even asked yet."

"He wants to protect you, that's why you had a fight last night." I tell her, "He worked for me a few months after he finished school, remember? Finn is a lot like his father but he thinks a lot like his mother. He's a good man with direction, Alouette. He knows where he wants to go. He quit working for me and went into that internship program. That's where you met, right? He's chosen his path and I know he won't go forward without you. He'll go crazy if you leave him."

"I need to take care of my Dad too." She says,

"You and Hector keep worrying that I won't be able to take care of him." I smile, "I've done this before. Back then I had two babies too! You're father and I will be alright by ourselves."

"I've been here a week to see you through this thing with Peeta." She starts, "I probably don't remember how you coped back then but I've seen how you cope now. You hide, Mom. You find a small space in your head and you stay there until Peeta is back. Two nights ago you were a zombie. You wouldn't even look at Peeta, you looked at his hands his bandages but you steered away from his face. You're just as afraid as you were before and I think you need someone to watch over _you_. It's okay to get help sometimes. You don't have to be all alone in this. Not anymore. Not again."

I gawk at her. See how much of the truth she's been able to see. I am afraid. I'm scared that I may have made the wrong decision. That I pushed Peeta to do something that he didn't even want. It scares me to even think of sleeping next to him at night and I hate myself for feeling that way. I'm scared that one day, I won't have enough left in me to take care of someone who hates me so much. I don't say anything but I lean into Alouette and she envelops me in her arms. For a moment we stay like that and I think about how much the roles have reversed. She used to clamour for my hugs, but today I'm the one searching for her arms.

Back in the house, we cook breakfast. Finn woke up before we got back. He's showered and dressed for business. As I prepare the wrap the food to bring to the hospital I hear Alouette and Finn talking in the living room.

"She needs me." Alouette says, "I'm safe here."

"I don't want to risk it." Finn sighs, "I remember being scared for Aunt Kat when I was a kid. I remember the news of how he used to attack her."

"That was in the past, Finn."

"Alouette." He pauses. "The past is back to haunt them."

"Why are you talking about my parents like there's no hope for them?" Alouette sounds like she is on the brink of crying or of getting mad and screaming at him. "This is my life, Finn. I thought you of all people would understand."

"My mother is not violent to the people around her." He says.

"Yeah." Alouette scoffs, "She's violent to herself. Finn when are you going to give me a break from this fight?!"

"I just want you to come home with me where you're safe!" He says. "When I got a call from the hospital I thought I'd find you hurt."

"All I ask is that you understand." She says, "If this were Annie I wouldn't stop you from taking care of her!"

"George is there for her." He says "And—"

"That doesn't mean you relinquish your responsibility of taking care of her!" Alouette starts to raise her voice. "Give me a few days here, alright? Give me that and I will come home."

"I'm not leaving without you." He says.

"Then stay." She says. "I'm staying until they discharge him."

"Peeta is in critical condition. He is far from getting cleared and getting discharged." He replies, "We both know it will be even longer before they trust him to be alone at home with Katniss."

"Fine." Alouette gives in.

"Fine what?" Finn asks.

"Fine I'll come home with you." She says. "We'll stay until the machine is fine tuned but I want you to know that this is me choosing you. I choose you, Finn, over anything I will always choose you even if it hurts me." He kisses her. I look away and focus on the chicken and the rice in my plastic bowls.

* * *

In the hospital Peeta is still soundly sleeping. Hector is back pacing by the foot of the bed. I click the door closed and sit on the couch and set out the food on the table. I make Hector eat. The doctor came by earlier to tell Hector that no one is allowed in the room while the machine is being fine tuned. Too much radiation. Hector and I sit quietly.

"Alouette will be leaving after the device is fine tuned." I tell him.

"That's in a few minutes." He says.

"You can catch a flight with her and Finn." I smile.

"I'll stay."

I don't have the energy to say no anymore so we sit there, quietly waiting for the nurses to come in and roll Peeta out to wherever they're going to fix him. When they arrive to take him away, I sit for a moment next to him. He's still asleep but I know he can hear me.

"Do your best in there." I tell him. "Come back to us." I don't quite understand how they're going to fit the device for him but I know the doctors said that they spoke with Beetee and that they're going to try a new technique that would help Peeta with the outbreaks. It's not a 100% solution but it's better than nothing.

"You're the only one of us he truly remembers." I tell Hector when we've sat in the room, waiting for almost an hour. "The first time they tried to fix him they had to take away his memories of me and Alouette. We were causing the outbreaks so they had to make him forget."

"What was it like?" He asks,

"It was hard at first." I say with a low voice, "It was like he jumped back into time. He didn't know why we lived in the Victors' Village, or why his family was gone, he didn't even remember the rebellion. It took him awhile to accept it. To accept that Alouette was his child but I had to move on. We were on a charity tour then. I couldn't wait around doing nothing so I left your sister with my mother and continued on without him. I let go of our security team, built a smaller home for me and Alouette and lived a normal life. He asked for a divorce. I signed the papers of course and then after he agreed to date me. After some time he did remember. The good and the bad. But it was always you who he never had to remember because he never forgot you."

"But he knows everything there is to know about you and Ali." Hector says, "He forgot but he also remembered and that's what's important."

"They put in the device when he started showing his other, more violent, personality again. It replaced that part of the brain that contained the personality and the one that was causing the outbreaks. For years, everything was great. You and Ali grew up and he and I got good jobs. We were in a good place. I should have known not to get complacent, not to get too comfortable."

"What was his first seizure like?" I look over to Hector and realise that I've been talking aloud. I thought I'd stopped after I explained to him how Peeta forgot everyone but him. I take a deep breath and compose myself.

"We should call Alouette and Finn." I rise from the couch. "Tell them the procedure has started,"

"Okay." Hector sighs and dials the phone hanging on the wall. "Hey, get over here, Dad's fine tuning started like forty-five minutes ago. Right. See you."

"It won't stop the flashbacks but it will help him distinguish between what's real or not." the doctor speaks to me with a low voice. Peeta is still sleeping. Hector has gone back to the house with Alouette. Finn is standing with me, nodding along.

"How exactly will he tell the difference?" He asks,

"In the past he talked about how the flashbacks had a shiny quality in them." I say.

"Exactly." the doctor says, "We've banked on that and made that quality stronger."

"And he'll just have to contain himself?" Finn asks, his tone of disappointment apparent.

"Yes." the doctor replies. "I'm sorry but this is as much as we can do for him. This is as much as he can handle. It will not last very long. Three years maybe but that's more than what he had before." He checks Peeta's vitals for one last time before he leaves.

"As much as he can handle in three years." I whisper and sigh. Finn comes by my side and takes my hand.

"He's going to live much longer without the seizures." He says. I know he's scared of Peeta hurting us but I also know that he cares for him.

"Thank you." I say.

"My Mom sometimes doesn't like drinking her medicine because it makes her feel woozy and disoriented." He says, "Most times, when I was growing up, I had to crush it and mix it in with her soup just so I know she'd be safe by herself while I was in school."

"You should have called me." I tell him. "Or Johanna or Beetee. We could have helped you. You were just a kid."

"It was okay." He says. "Taking care of her made me love her more. I'm sure taking care of Peeta makes you love him more too."

"It does." I smile. I give Finn a hug. "You take care of my daughter, alright? She's as stubborn as I am but that only means that she needs you more than she'd like to confess."

"I wanted to ask you something." Finn said. I sit down on the couch and he takes the space beside me. "Alouette and I have been living together for a while now. We've been together for a little over two years. I can't imagine a day without her in my life." He takes a deep breath. "We've talked about our future a lot and we've planned a lot of things together, like where we're going to buy a house, or where we want to find permanent work after her medical training ends. We talk about the future as though we will never be apart and that's how I want it to be. I guess, what I'm trying to ask is, will you give me your blessing to marry your daughter? I mean, of course I will also as Uncle Peeta but I figured I should ask you first. And, Alouette and I—we've talked about this too. Indirectly, that is, I've asked her if she wants kids and she asks me to find a job with good tenure, you know, so when the kids start going to school and for when we retire, and—"

"Finn." I stop him because he's obviously nervous. "Of course you can marry Alouette. I see a lot of goodness in you and it's very clear to everyone in this family that you love each other. Besides, you've been like my son even before Peeta and I got married. Have you told Annie?"

"Thank you!" He pulls me in for a hug, "Thank you thank you thank you."

"I love you too, Finn." I laugh.

"Mom was happy when I told her." He says after we part, "She says that I'm never gonna find a better girl to marry."

"How are you going to ask her?" For a moment, I forget that Peeta just came out of a difficult procedure.

"I can only ask her once I get Uncle Peeta's blessing." He says, looking over to Peeta's hospital bed. "But I was planning on proposing in our apartment. It's better that way because at least we'll have our privacy. It'll still be romantic. It's the very first place we ever called ours. It's our home."

"Good move." I smile, "Alouette never liked being out in public that much. She likes cozy spaces. She'll love it."

* * *

Three Years Later

"Come here." I laugh, "Come here!" Finn pounces on the bed, pretending to be a mountain lion. He growls and I pull myself up and hook my wrists on his shoulders. He leans in and growls one more time into my neck. We fall back into our bed and our lips lock.

When morning came, I open my eyes and find him still sleeping. Our blanket is spread across our bodies and I fill the space between us and curl against him. He stirs and begins to wake.

"Good morning!" I whisper sweetly. "Dr. Odair, we have patients to attend to."

"Morning." He smiles, eyes still closed. I climb on top of him and his arms fall on the small of my back. We stay like this for a few minutes before we have to get up and start the day. The hospital is busy today. Surgeries are happening simultaneously. Finn and I exit the elevator, hands locked and elbows touching. There is no need to hide our relationship in Four. This is where it all began. Finn is a fellow and I'm only a resident but we do most things in the hospital together. When he does a surgery, I get to scrub in. We pass by the nurses' station and they hand me the charts of our patients for the day. I run through them for Finn and we go in to meet with my grandmother. Chief of surgery and my personal mentor.

"Good morning, Grandma." I smile and give her a hug. She's old but her hands are as stable as ever and her mind is sharp.

"Good morning, dear." She says, "Dr. Odair." She nods to Finn and they laugh.

"Hey Grandma." Finn leans in to hug her.

"Any word from your mothers?" She asks.

"My mom is doing fine." Finn smiles. "Healthy and happy."

"No news from Twelve." I say and try to smile.

"Don't worry, honey." Grandma says, "I'm sure Katniss is taking care of things there."

"I hope so." I shrug. "Alright, we've got rounds!" I announce, "Thanks, Grandma. See you around."

"Now you take it easy." Grandma winks at me.

"I'll make sure of that." Finn says and we leave and begin another day in the hospital.

* * *

"You should come home." Mom's voice is grim. I listen for any sound of distress in the background, anything to tell me that my father is still strong enough to actually resist my mother alerting me of his condition. "He hasn't got much left in him."

"Finn and I will be on the first plane out." I tell her. I haven't been home since the wedding. That was two years ago. Dad never liked us hovering over him. He wanted us to live as though he were fine. Live like nothing was anchoring us to Twelve. I try to think of the last time I didn't see my father walking with a cane or the last time he smiled like he was genuinely happy. I think of all the years I missed with him. How I was so distant when I was younger because I wanted to be my own person, someone who wasn't defined by her parents. Little did I know that one day, I'd lose them both. I take a deep breath, let my hand fall down to my belly. I'm pregnant. Finn and I found out about two weeks ago. In eight months, I'm going to be a mother. I wonder if in eight months my Dad will even be there to carry his grandchild.

"Have you called Hector?" I ask my mother. Hector lives with Susie in Thirteen. We haven't had a good conversation since my wedding day. That was two years ago. I regret not reaching out to my family. Not persisting on checking in on how Dad was despite their resistance. I got too carried away with starting a life of my own, I'd forgotten the life I already had.

"Hector has been staying with us for about a week now." My mother says, her tone of surprise frank over the phone. "You didn't know?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't." I frown, "I should have been there too."

"It's alright." She says, but I know it's not. "Just come home."

"I will." The line is cut and I put the phone back in it's cradle. I heave a deep sigh and ground myself. No stress, doctor's orders. Finn comes up behind me and kisses me on the cheek. I put my hand over his. His large hands make my pregnant belly seem small.

"How is he?" Finn asks. I turn around and rest my head on his shoulder.

"This is it." I say quietly.

"I'll pack our bags." He says. "You should rest." He leads me to our bed and I crawl into the covers and try to sleep, hoping that maybe my dreams will be filled with a version of my father who is strong and healthy.

* * *

Finn and I stand in front of my old home. It's snowing in Twelve and I tuck my hands under my arms and shake off the snow on my shoulders. Finn rings the bell and a while later, Hector opens the door for us.

"Get in here, it's freezing out there." He says. He's wearing thin pants and a loose shirt. If I don't look closely, I could easily mistake him as my father when we were very young. Hector gives me a hug and takes my coat.

"How is he?" I ask. I look up the stairs and notice how dark it is in here. Finn rolls our bags into the living room and plops down on the couch.

"The light makes it hard for him to differentiate the memories." Hector notices. "He can't even get up and walk on his own, Ali." Hector looks so tired. I can see how he is on the edge of crying. I pull him into another hug and hold him for a while longer.

"You shouldn't have been doing this alone." I tell him. "You should have called me."

"Dad doesn't even let me near him most of the time." He says. "Only Mom. I only help when he's sleeping." I let him go and look at him. He's older, so different from the pesky little brother who used to fight with me about the hovercraft. He shrugs and gives me a brief, weak smile. For a moment, he looks like our mom. How the corners of his eyes wrinkle the way her's used to and how his eyes are just like hers. Sometimes I wonder if Hector was built to be the stronger of the two of us despite his heart condition when he was a baby. The kids of the Victors and Heroes of Panem, here now at the sunset of our father's life and I realise now that we're just as helpless as every other child who is losing their parent.

"Alright." I pat his shoulders. "Let's go up there."

The three of us quietly climb the stairs. The only light that comes out of the house is the light seeping out of the ajar door of my parents' room. Inside I can hear Dad coughing and Mom fighting him to take a sip of water.

"It will help you." She says.

"There aren't any dandelions in the winter, Katniss." My father replies and coughs some more.

I enter first, followed by Hector. Finn stays by the hall. "I'll be right out here." He says and I don't try to persuade him to come in. This is something only we should see.

My dad is lying under a large white down comforter. His head rests on a large white pillow and Mom sits by his side. Around his hands are fingerless mittens. As we near the bed my mom turns around and I understand why Dad wear the mittens. Her face is lined with scratches. Some in the late stages of healing, others more fresh, glowing pink and red across her pale and dreary face.

I try to smile but a frown comes up to my face instead. I rush into my mother and wrap her in my arms. "I'm here." I say. "I'm sorry, I should have been her sooner."

"Come say hi to your father." She says. I turn to Dad and plant a light kiss on his cheek.

"How's my favourite girl?" He says, his eyes looking over the features of my face as though convincing himself that he's not seeing a younger version of Mom.

"I'm great, Dad." I say, "How are you?"

"The same." He says and turns his head away from me to cough. I help him sit up, rest his back on the head board. I take the cup of water by the bedside and coax the water into him. He resists at first but I make a face. "Dad." I say sternly and then he drinks. "Any other pain?"

"Just a splitting headache." He says. "Every minute, every day."

"Does it come with flashes of light or memories?" I ask.

"Always." He sighs. His eyes close and he breathes in deep.

"Can you tell what is real or not real?" I look for paleness in his face.

"Sometimes." He whispers. "Mittens help when I can't."

"I'm going to get you something for the headaches." I sigh. "Dad." I wait until he opens his eyes again and looks at me. "When you start to get confused, just think about the simple things first. Your name. Where you live. How old you are. Then work up to the harder parts. Try to remember that your married. You have children. Say our names. Say it as many times as it takes until you're not confused anymore."

"You're just like your mother." He smiles. I help him back down to a lying position and get up from the bed. I look at my mother who was sitting behind me the whole time. She's worn out. I wonder if she's ever left Dad's side. I take her hand and pull her up.

"He sleeps all day and all night." She says, "Aside from the nightmares, he's a sleep. Sometimes I'm scared that he won't wake up anymore."

"Does he eat?" I ask her.

"Yes." She says, "Mostly bread from the factory."

"Do you?" I ask and she looks down. "Mom, Dad sleeps a lot because he's tired. It helps with the headache and it helps his brain sort out the memories. You need to take care of yourself."

"I tried to tell her that too." Hector says.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here." My mother says. I send dagger looks at Hector and he mumbles an apology. "Come with me downstairs. Hector can stay here to watch over Dad."

"I should stay." She says, "Spend as much time with him as I can."

"Spend some time with me." I tell her and lead her out the door. Finn has left. Downstairs, I can hear the clatter of silverware. "I guess Finn cooked something up."

I let her eat. She takes a few spoonfuls of fish and rice. She manages to take down two bowls of soup. "Feeling better?" I ask her.

"Yes." She smiles. "Thank you."

"I'll make some tea." Finn rises from the table and leaves the room.

"How much longer?" I ask Mom.

"Weeks?" She sighs. "Days. I've stopped counting. It doesn't help."

"That's alright." I take her hand. The last time we spent quality time together was the day in the woods. That was the last time I ever saw her shoot arrows. Her hands feel brittle in mine. She's grown old and I wasn't even here to help her through it. "I'm sorry I was gone for so long."

"We asked you to live your life." She says, "It's good that you are."

"Still." I stop and decide to bring some light into the house. "Mom, I'm pregnant." I pull the sleeves of my blouse up to show her my countdown. The symbols that tell me I still have about seven months before labor are glowing green. My mother takes my wrist in her hands and squints at the numbers. She's crying but there is a faint smile on her face.

"A baby." She whispers and looks up to me. "A boy." I say and pull her into a hug. She rests her head on my shoulder and I can feel her shaking and crying. She's realised that Dad won't meet my son. She grips me tighter and I soothe her. "We'll be alright. It's going to be alright."

"He would want to meet him." She sobs. "I hate the way this is all ending."

"It's not the end, Mom." I say. "The story isn't over."

* * *

"Dad guess what." Hector plops down beside Peeta on the bed. Peeta smiles and opens his eyes a little bit and looks at Hector.

"Yeah?" Peeta asks. In my chair across the bed, I keep my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. Hector came home as soon as I told him that their father is bed ridden. I called him first, intending only to just keep them informed but Hector dropped everything and left to come home. I knew if I'd done the same to Alouette, she'd never take the next step with Finn and actually plan to start a family. So I didn't call her. Around Peeta, Hector tries to be his usual sunshine self. He talks to his father like he used to when he was a teenager. When he's with me, Hector is quiet. Tired, and worried as much as I am.

"I'm thinking about asking Susie to marry me." Hector says.

"Really?" Even with my eyes closed, I know Peeta is smiling. I am too.

"Don't tell Mom yet." Hector whispers. "I want it to be a surprise. She likes it when we talk about our life."

"Your mother already knows." Peeta laughs and I raise my head and laugh.

"How did you know I wasn't asleep?" I get up and sit by Peeta. I pull him into me and let him rest on my shoulder. "And I am surprised!"

"You mumble when you sleep, Katniss." Peeta says and I kiss the top of his head. "Now, Hector, the only question is, why did it take you this long to decide?"

"I guess I was waiting for her to give me some sign that she wants me to be her husband." Hector shrugs. "If she's ready to combat cameras and to have her face plastered on billboards. I've kept her a secret for this long because I don't want my name to get in the way of her perfectly peaceful life of recovering from cancer."

"What was the sign?" I asked.

"Well that's what I wanted to ask Dad." He says, "When I got the call and told her that I needed to come back two Twelve, she asked me how many days she should pack for. I didn't even have to ask her to come with me, she just got up and started thinking about packing her clothes. I had to fight her to force her to stay. I mean, she has her portable regimen and all but I wanted her to stay because it won't help to have her traveling around. She could get sick again if she gets too tired."

"She cares about you." Peeta says, "More than that, she cares about your family."

"I know." Hector smiles. "She asks about you more than anyone in Thirteen. We've been living together for so long and there's no problem with cameras with Thirteen because we have an underground apartment so I'm scared that once she realises that it won't always be like that, she might get scared away."

"If she's stayed with you this long, she must already understand what it means to be with someone like you. Like us." I say.

"Susie was homeschooled but it doesn't means that she doesn't understand the outside world, Hect." Peeta says. "She understands and she'll stick by you. I know it. Just ask her parents first."

"I'm practically their son." Hector smiles.

"Selda and Dante will approve." I wink at Hector. Alouette comes in through the door, looking as radiant as ever. Her hair is down from her usual high pony tail. It curls around her ears and falls just below her shoulders.

"Couldn't sleep." She says and sits by Hector's feet. "It's almost dawn, what are you guys doing up?"

"Hector wants to marry Susie!" Peeta says. Alouette smiles and tackles Hector on the bed. Peeta and I move over a little bit to make space for her. The kids settle down and Alouette lays down between Peeta and Hector. I look at my family and bask in the bliss of just having this moment after years and years of being apart from the children and dealing with Peeta. In these few minutes, Peeta is Peeta, the children aren't pregnant or getting married. If I close my eyes and listen to how Alouette starts coaching Hector on how to pop the question, and how Peeta gives side comments and sly jokes, I can imagine them as children again. The little kids who always knew how to get under each other's skin and how to make Peeta and I laugh with their innocence.

"Well how did Finn ask you?!" Hector raises his arms.

"It's different for every girl, Hect." She sighs and laughs. "Finn knew what I wanted and he did just that! What does Susie want?"

"Your mother proposed to me." Peeta smiles. "The first time anyway."

"You better hurry up, Hect before Susie beats you to the question!" Alouette says and we all laugh.

"I was thinking of doing it the classic way, you know." Hector says, "Susie loves those old fashioned ways. Back in the day before the Games you know. Down on one knee, a gorgeous ring. The wedding ceremonies in Thirteen are pretty different from ours."

"Well you can always merge the traditions." I say. "If you both agree to that."

"No." Hector says, "I think I want to do it the way Thirteen does. I mean it's how Susie knows it and I want her to be able to see our marriage the way she was brought up to see it."

"Well don't lose yourself in her, Hect." Alouette rolls her eyes. "A marriage is for two people, not just the wife."

"She's right you know." Peeta ruffles her hair and Alouette leans back and then rests her head on Peeta's shoulder. "Three years into the marriage and she has the wisdom of an old married lady."

"How does Thirteen do it?" I ask him because I don't really know exactly. The wedding we attended there was the version of Four because it was for Finnick and Annie.

"They do it in a small room with the president." Hector pauses. "I guess now that there isn't a president there anymore, it's just the mayor. The bride and groom sort of proves to him why they are meant to be together and if the mayor agrees, they get married. That's the strict traditional way anyway. There wasn't a lot of room or time in Thirteen then to celebrate unions. Too much of their time was put in surviving on their own. After some time they just had to fill up forms and once the president signs it, they're married and assigned a new room together."

"How do they do it now after the rebellion?" Peeta asks.

"It's much happier, I guess." Hector continues, "The families are invited. It's still a pretty small occasion but I guess that makes it more intimate. The bride and groom sort of revisit their relationship so their families can both come to an agreement to let them get married and then after, we sign our papers and end the ceremony with a kiss and get inked."

"Inked?" Alouette asks.

"A tattoo." Hector explains. "Remember in school they taught us of how Thirteen had dissolvable tattoos of their schedule in their arms? Well the wedding inks are permanent. Divorce isn't legal in Thirteen. Once your bound by wedding ink, you're bound forever. And it's not delivered the modern way, not with lasers. It's by needle. The pain has to be felt; symbolic meaning of how a marriage is as beautiful as it is painful."

"That's very beautiful." I whisper. "Do you get to choose?"

"Yeah." Hector says, "Susie and I talked about it once, some time ago. We want to get each other's names over our hearts. Sounds cheesy I know—"

"I think that's romantic." Alouette says and we could all tell that she means it. "Just don't let the ink mess up your heart. Medically I mean."

"Could that happen?" He asks, bringing his hand over his heart.

"It could mess up your blood if it's not sterile. That's why we do it via laser now." Alouette shrugs. "But I'm sure if it's a traditional practice in Thirteen that it's pretty safe. Just make sure to check that the needle is sterile before you get inked. Also, make sure Susie's skin is healthy enough to take it. Tattoos need to be kept clean while they heal."

"She's strong enough for it." He says. "Thanks, sis."

"Sure baby bro." She nudges him with her elbow. "Speaking of babies…"

"No." Peeta's eyes get big and a wide smile appears on his face. "What were you doing rough housing with your brother!"

"Dad relax." Alouette laughs. "And yes, I am pregnant. It's going to be a boy."

"What are you doing up this late!" Peeta sits up. "Get to bed now young lady! You are pregnant you need your rest!"

I laugh and pull Peeta into a hug. "You'll be the best grandfather." I say and catch myself.

"The baby will be fine Dad." Alouette just says, "He's a feisty little thing, I know it."

"I'm going to teach him how to get all the girls." Hector bounces on the bed. "He's going to be the most handsome toddler the whole of Panem has seen. After me of course."

"Hold on, who says Panem gets the privilege of seeing this prince on their screens?" Alouette laughs. "You won't be able to stop them, this kid will be the sweetest little thing that ever happened to this family! I'm going to spoil him so bad." Hector says.

"You're going to be a wonderful mother." Peeta pulls away from me and embraces Alouette. Her arms wrap around and over his shoulders as she rests her head in his neck. "Thanks Dad." She whispers and closes her eyes and they stay like that for a moment. And just like that, the moment is gone. It disappears like smoke, gone even before any of us could take hold of it. Peeta's eyes open suddenly, dilate and I know to pull Alouette away from his grip. I help her stand and I see as her face contorts with shock. Peeta's arms come over my shoulder and I turn quickly and duck. He's weaker now but when he's gone, some strength fuelled by madness. He is standing, something he hasn't done in a while. I push him back in the bed just as Hector comes over and restrains Peeta down. They struggle but Hector is much stronger.

"How often does this happen?" Alouette whispers, afraid of being heard by Peeta.

"Just a few times." I say. "It's better now that he's not so strong. Peeta can overcome it much easier."

"Has he hurt you?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Are _you_ hurt?" I ask. Hector gets off Peeta and takes a breath. "No I'm fine." She answers.

"There you are." I say in a calming voice as I soothe Peeta and push the hair away from his eyes.

The children and I lock eyes. We've never been in the same room together with Peeta highjacked before. It's always just one or two of us, never together.

"You're okay." I say to him. "You're okay, we're here. We have you."

"I thought that this was supposed to stop." Alouette says as Peeta lays back.

"The new machine is dying now too. It makes it hard for me to differentiate what's real and not real." Peeta coughs, "And I'm not strong enough for another surgery."

"That's impossible." Alouette says, "You're in your mid-sixties, you've got a strong heart. Of course surgery is a safe option!"

I put my hand over hers and quietly tell her to let it go. She takes a deep breath and sighs. I help Peeta back into a comfortable position as Alouette gets off the bed. "I should go rest." She says, placing a palm over her belly.

"Good night sweetheart." Peeta smiles. Alouette leans into him and plants a kiss on his cheek and then turns to hug me.

"Good night." She says and leaves. A moment later I can hear her having a heated discussion with Finn. The walls are thin, the tempers are short, and hope is wearing out. I've long since stopped trying to talk Peeta out of this death wish. Part of me forgives him. He must be tired from all the years of staying healthy, beating all the odds, and conquering all the flashbacks just to see his children grow up. Another part of me is angry with him. Angry because he is leaving me here with two children who's lives are only just beginning. He's leaving when there are other options that will help him stay alive. But I can't push him to make decisions anymore. Most of our time together, I have pushed him to make the choice that would keep us alive. I pushed him to continue to love me so we'd win the games. I pushed him to stay with me in the rebellion when everything in him screamed for him to destroy me. I pushed him to get the treatment from a doctor who only made things worse. I pushed him to get this machine into his head.

I nod over to Hector and he leaves the room. I lay down beside Peeta, basking in the warm of his body and the familiar softness of his arms under my head. "She's mad at me." Peeta says.

"She is." I agree.

"Are you?" He asks.

"I'll meet you in the hanging tree when it's my time." I frown and close my eyes.

"You know I love you." He says.

"Of course I do." I sigh and smile. "I love you too." I fall asleep in his arms, just as I have done before, countless nights ago. It feels like home to me. The way his heart lulls me to sleep and the way we move together throughout the night so that we might never part as we slept. It is in this unconscious state that you will truly see why Peeta and I fit together. Sleeping like this helps keep the terrors of the night at bay though not always.

* * *

In the morning, when the streaming sunlight wakes me, I am still wrapped around him. I rest my head on his shoulder and listen for his heart. Everything around me disappears when I hear silence. I scramble out of the sheets, prop myself up on my knees and touch his face. He's still so warm. He could be sleeping. I can feel the tears start welling in my eyes and my throat closing in just like how it used to when I was younger.

"Peeta?" I whisper. He doesn't stir. I lean into his chest again and wait. I suck in my breath, force myself to be quiet and to listen.

There.

A faint, weak pulse, but a pulse none the less. I exhale.

"Peeta!" I scream at his face but he doesn't wake. I rush to my feet and run across the hall to Alouette's room. I barge into the door and she and Finn wake with a start

"What's happened" She asks.

"Help him." I say and Finn is the first to rush out of the door. Alouette comes out quickly after him. By the time I reach the room, Finn is pumping his heart the way Finnick did in the Quarter Quell. Alouette is pressing on Peeta's wrist and looking at the clock. "Blood pressure is too low." She says to Finn. "His hands feel cold, Finn."

"His chest is warm." He sighs and stops pumping.

"Why did you stop?!" I ask him. "Keep going!"

"It's peripheral shutdown, Aunt Kat." Finn says "He's dying."

"Do something." I plead. "Alouette, do something for your father."

"Mom, his heart is giving up. He's given up." She says, "The machine has reached it's maximum lifespan and it's causing the organs to fail. The doctors warned us about this."

"He was fine last night." I hold back my tears. Peeta's breathing starts to get laboured.

"Chest congestion." Finn says. "Fluid in getting into his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe. We can suck it out with a tube to help him but it will only come back."

"These events can happen in a span of days." Alouette says, "Sometimes it only takes hours. Overnight." She covers her face with her palms and she begins to shake. Finn leads her to a chair and she begins to sob. Wailing and coughing. I stand by the foot of our bed and look at Peeta. Lying on his back, breathing hard. His fingers and toes are pale and try to remember my dreams from last night. How the snarling of the wolves resemble the sound of his agonal breathing. Hector comes wandering into the room, scratching the sleep away from his eyes like how he used to when he was a child. His eyes bounce from Alouette crying, to me standing and staring, to Finn looking over an unmoving Peeta. "No, no, no, no." He rushes over to Peeta. Finn moves away and lets Hector hold his father. "He's still breathing." He says.

"It will only be a short time from now." Finn says. Alouette has curled into a ball in the seat. She's quiet now but her face is still tucked away from view. Finn goes to her side and embraces her. She opens up to him and quietly sobs into his shoulder. Hector is crouched by the side of the bed on the floor. His eyes are shut tight, his hands gripping handfuls of his gold hair. I pull myself together, muster all the strength I have and walk into the disaster. I am so used to running away. So used to hiding and finding a small spot to fill whenever I want to escape something. I crawl back into the bed and hold Peeta in my arms. I rest his head gently on the crook of my elbow as though he were a child and talk to him about our story.

"Remember the Quell?" I ask him. His eyes don't open but his breathing is better now that I adjusted his position but it's still labored. "Not the part in the Arena but the interviews before that. Everyone wanted the cancel the Games. They didn't want us back in the Arena. All the other Victors were saying whatever they can to convince the Gamemakers to cancel everything and leave us in peace. Remember what you told Caesar?" He coughs as if to answer me. "You told him, and everyone in Panem that I was pregnant." I pause and take a deep breath. My tears drop onto his cheek and I wipe them away with my palm. "I don't know what to say anymore." I cry. Alouette has looked up from Finn's embrace. Hector is peeking over by the side of the bed. "Do you remember that one evening in the Quell? I was on watch and you woke up and told me to get some sleep because we were still putting up the charade that I was pregnant? You remember what you told me when you led me into the tent? You told me that one day, I would be an amazing mother. You told me that, thinking that you'd die in the Quell to keep me alive. You wanted me to have a life after the Arena, a life with children even if they weren't yours. I knew then that I could never have that if I didn't have you. Look at us now with this family. Two beautiful and intelligent children. You've given this to me, Peeta. You made me a mother." Peeta starts to cough again and I pull him closer to me. "You're leaving now." I cry, "It's okay. You don't have to worry about me anymore. If your scared, we're all here with you. You say hi to Prim for me alright? Tell your parents and your brothers about their grandchildren and their nephew and their niece. Tell Finnick about his son, tell him that Annie is well and that she's happy. Tell Boggs that I got the long life that he promised me. Share a drink with Haymitch. Tell everyone of how their death meant something, just as much as your death means something now." I stop because I need to cry to get some air into my lungs. I sob and I rest my face on the top of his head. Smell the familiar scent of his hair and feel his soft curls against my damp cheeks. "I will always love you." I whisper in between sobs over and over again until his laboured breathing stops.

* * *

We burried him under a cloudy sky. We were huddled under black umbrellas because there was a sweeping rain too. Alouette hasn't stopped crying. Mom is standing next to me, as still as a statue. I look over at the sea of people gathered before us. How they all flew in form every corner of the country to grieve the death of my Dad. A few steps from us is a large marble stone that encases my father's body. Inside, my father lies there, decomposing into nothing. He's wearing a suit and tie, looking more radiant than he had every been since the last three years. I try not to think about how dark it is in there. It makes me feel claustrophobic and when I feel that way, all I want to do is run to a place with a lot of space. It's crowded here today. From the corner of my eye, I notice someone join our small group of immediate family. I look over to my right and see Susie. She looks thin and tired in her black dress. She's been crying. So have I. I wave her over because I fear that the moment I pry my arm away from my mother, she will crumble into a million pieces. Susie walks over to me and kisses me gently on the cheek. I feel stronger now that she's by my side. The ceremony begins and I watch as they begin to lower the marble into the ground. No one from the immense crowd speaks. Little by little the soil that they shovel into the hole covers the marble that encases my father. I look away into the distance, and spot and flicker of golden hair in the crowd. I try to convince myself that that is my Dad, instead of thinking about his dead body being trapped inside that box for eternity. Beside me, my mother begins to move. She slips her arm out from mine and I catch her hand before she starts running. The rain sweeps over her and I pull her back under the umbrella.

"I can't stay here." She looks back at me, rivulets of rain water and tears running down her face.

"Look over there." I say, nodding toward the direction of the blond hair in the crowd. "You see that."

"Yes." She squints her eyes, wiping her cheeks with the back of her mittens. "It looks like—"

"Dad." I smile. "Focus on that." I tell her as I look back at the person with gold hair, kilometres away from us. "Don't look at the marble." Susie's hands grip tighter around mine and I pull her in closer to me. I steal my eyes away from the blond hair and look over to her. Her eyes are planted on the soil being shovelled into the hole. I can see the sadness in her eyes, the heaviness of what she must be feeling. From the corner of her eye, she notices me and meets my eyes. She looks at me and she doesn't even have to say anything but I know she's asking me if I'm coping. I nod and give her a half smile. Before she looks away I ask her. "Susie, will you be my wife?"


End file.
